Saturday, April 9, 2011

what can I do?

I know I tend to be a caretaker and can put people in front of myself very easily. But I'm getting a lot better at that and I think right now I need to feel like I'm doing something that I ultimately want to. I don't have time for my non-profit or to volunteer or intern until after school. And even then I don't think I'll be doing a ton of work. But right now I want to help in some way. I want to let people know that whatever they are struggling with it is possible to be happy. It is possible to not hate yourself and to take care of what you need. No matter what is in your past you can start over. It will be hard and long, terrifying and exciting. And most of all IT WILL BE WORTH IT. I wish there was a way I could just scream that off my roof and the whole world would hear. But I can still go to support groups and give ideas, hope and support. I can have this blog and hopefully it helps someone at least a little. And I met a girl I feel like I was destined to meet the other day. Seriously I'm never at the place I met her, never at that time, never where anyone can see me. No one ever says hi, no one ever asks me about how I'm doing and if it's worth it. But she did. I could tell she wants to get better. I can tell she is strong and we also realized our names had a lot in common with a lot of double letters...laugh if you want, it was a sign :) Anyway I would love to be a mentor or sponsor or even just support for people who are struggling. I know I have to be careful but I've learned a lot from my past mistakes putting others before me or getting too close to people who don't want to change. But I think I can handle it now. And I could step back if I needed to. I feel like with not going to school next semester and not having an actual job related to what I want to do that I want to have SOMETHING that reminds me of what I'm fighting for. Something that reminds me that I WILL help people, I WILL make a difference, I WILL love what I do. Anyway I'm just excited that I might get to be a sponsor or something because I LOVE sharing my journey and helping others realize it is worth it.

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