Thursday, November 18, 2010
So this is my first real post since I think march maybe? It's been a long time. I stopped writing for a variety of reasons- mostly because I was getting into a care-taking role and felt I needed to do certain things for other people. I realized I needed to just focus on myself for awhile. And I still do but I'm thinking it might help me to blog again to get my thoughts written down and if nothing else remind myself why I am fighting. I did really well for a year- actually almost exactly. But since I got back from Europe in June I've had a few slips. I didn't want to write while I wasn't doing as well but I now realize that is part of recovery. I'm still not doing perfectly but I'm picking myself up again from a particularly bad slip. I don't know entirely why but I do know I found out a lot about my trauma over the summer and my OCD got really bad after going to Europe too. And recently I've had a lot of things happen that have made me feel judged. That's a big trigger for me. I hate feeling like people are basing their opinions of me off of other people or the internet or something. Anyway, I've been doing everything I need to for a little while now but there are a lot of things bothering me so It's been probably the hardest slip for me to come back from. The main thing right now is that I feel really alone. And it's a lot worse this week because my nutritionist seems annoyed that I can't just snap out of it like I usually do. I know that's what I usually do but right now I need advice and suggestions not just someone to tall me I need to just do it. I KNOW I need to just do it. no shit. thanks.