Thursday, November 18, 2010


So this is my first real post since I think march maybe? It's been a long time. I stopped writing for a variety of reasons- mostly because I was getting into a care-taking role and felt I needed to do certain things for other people. I realized I needed to just focus on myself for awhile. And I still do but I'm thinking it might help me to blog again to get my thoughts written down and if nothing else remind myself why I am fighting. I did really well for a year- actually almost exactly. But since I got back from Europe in June I've had a few slips. I didn't want to write while I wasn't doing as well but I now realize that is part of recovery. I'm still not doing perfectly but I'm picking myself up again from a particularly bad slip. I don't know entirely why but I do know I found out a lot about my trauma over the summer and my OCD got really bad after going to Europe too. And recently I've had a lot of things happen that have made me feel judged. That's a big trigger for me. I hate feeling like people are basing their opinions of me off of other people or the internet or something. Anyway, I've been doing everything I need to for a little while now but there are a lot of things bothering me so It's been probably the hardest slip for me to come back from. The main thing right now is that I feel really alone. And it's a lot worse this week because my nutritionist seems annoyed that I can't just snap out of it like I usually do. I know that's what I usually do but right now I need advice and suggestions not just someone to tall me I need to just do it. I KNOW I need to just do it. no shit. thanks.


  1. you are never alone. i don't have any advice or suggestions other than that small bit, as I am new to the recovery process. But, "you are never alone" has helped me...and I am reminded of that when I go to group on Tuesday night. I met you there 3 weeks ago and have been grateful for you, your blogs and others that have attended group. Also, love yourself and believe in yourself...and look back and see how far you've come!

  2. Thanks that is always a good thing to be reminded of. I think that's what we forget the most- how similar we all are. I'm so glad you came to group and hope to continue seeing you there. I'm always amazed at the people who come in with a clear need and want to get better. I never had that so I respect it SO much. You can do this and it will be worth it :) See you soon

  3. I don't understand, friend? Why can't you just do it?

    Okay, yeah... bad joke--got it.

    I just wanted to let you know that I'm here anytime you need to talk and have somebody remind YOU to take care of YOURself ;)
    (says the girl who was the sole benefactor of your trips to St. Mary's not at all long ago...)

    Anyhow, I can't wait to get back and see you--hopefully it make us feel both less alone!