Friday, March 18, 2011

St. Patricks Day!

SO I have bad anxiety around going out and doing things at night. Partially because I'm worried I won't be able to leave if I need to especially if my mild narcolepsy starts and I start falling asleep. It's hard for me to stay up late because I get anxious about having enough time the next day to do things and I think I get more dissociative the later I stay up too. All of this adds up to me not being one of those fun college kids who goes out or hangs out late. Which honestly I think has caused me to miss out on a lot. But I'm realizing more and more the reasons and getting better at managing my anxiety with thoughts too. So last night I finally went out with some friends and I had an AMAZING time. It just reminds me how much all of this is worth it you know? I drank and played friends trivia and cranium and met two new friends and got to hang out with some old ones I haven't been able to see in awhile. I do have to work all weekend now which sucks, but I'm realizing that sometimes maybe it is worth doing something I'm terrified to do. I need to do things I'm afraid to more. I need to really work through the anxiety so I can have a good semester without having to withdraw from classes. I need to have fun more because that is what life is really about. LIVING. And as much as I'm doing, I'm still not living enough. I'm still basing all of my fears about helping people on the experiences I have had or heard of or people I know or hear about. I need to find my own reality now.


  1. Good for you! I second "Oh my stars!" :)

    Also, I was much the same way in college... afraid to stay up late, and in any way, jeopardize my "routine" (class, gym, homework, more exercise, worrying myself to pieces until sleep was hopefully induced by 10pm, and of course, figuring out every way possible to maximize restricting---such time well spent, right?). It definitely robbed me of what could've been a much more fulfilling college experience. But, there's no going back at this point... just gotta make the most of everyday you can going forward, ya' know? And I know that you will ;)